Why did the chicken cross the road?
This joke is possibly the oldest (and worst) joke you might hear in English speaking countries. The punchline, as you probably already know, is “to get to the other side”. But how would have the some of the most influential people in our history have interpreted this question?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Niccolò Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
William Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn’t want its mother to see it like that.
John Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.
Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Margaret Thatcher: This chicken’s not for turning.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Franz Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Jonathan Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.
Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)
Hamlet: That is not the question.